"i surrender who i've been for who you are.
for nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
if i had only felt how it feels to be yours,
well, i i would have known what i've been living for all along."

family photo.

This is Landon's family picture he made at pre-school. I should have expected this when Landon told me that he was black with blue eyes. He also fully believes he IS Spiderman. I wish I could see the world through his eyes somedays.

lets not grow up and say we did.

Let me start by saying: I enjoy writing. Truly. I've wrote blogs/stories/poems since I was little. I remember sitting on my bed listening to Britney Spears writing poems about the love of my life I have not yet met and how awesome my best friend was. I would put them in envelopes and send them into the Chicken Soup books and wait for my poems to show up in these books. None of them happened... so I started writing short stories. None of those made it into the books either; in fact the farthest they got were on my fridge... which my dad posted proudly {or just because he felt bad for me}. Once I got over this huge disapointment I just kept to journals and kept them to myself. My point is: my blog has lacked attention because my lack of time; not a lack of love for writing.

The lack of time gets me to the next point. I hate being an adult. Let me correct that; I hate responsibilities. Adulthood surely has its pros: I get to live on my own, eat ice cream for breakfast, have the choice of never eating fruits/veggies, and I get to raise a kickass three year old. However, with adulthood comes responsibilies. Ive never been good at them. I rock at things that I dont have t0 do. Im pretty awesome at non-serious things as well. When stuff is important and/or serious; I come down with a Im a retard and this makes no sense and I'm sick and can't do this syndrome. Examples:

- I have a FASFA form for school that I recieved in August for me to go back to school. I have to sign a paper, mail it in. Yeah that never got done. Best believe when my Cosmo subscription needed resigned and mailed back in- that was mailed back in the following morning and I had a Cosmo in the mail 2 days later. {For the record, Cosmo has taught me much more than college ever did.}

- I get online to pay my bills. An hour later, 20 new CDs downloaded to iTunes.

- I go grocery shopping. Walk out with new pillows for the couch, new candles, new shirt for Saturday night. Who needs to eat anyways?

- Have a day off and a to-do list. Usually ends up with the day at the mall.

- Start looking for tax return deductions online. I end up on Pinterest with 40 new ideas how to re-do my apartment.

- Start looking for hotels for my vacation at the end of the month. End up finding different shots to try at the bar and cool vintage shops to visit.

- Go to the mall Sunday for work clothes/heels; walk out with teal straight leg jeans. {Who said colorful straight legs weren't professional anways?}

Seriously, do they make a get serious and get motivated pill? I'd say it's my 2012 resolution to grow up and be a mature adult, but I think the end of January is the cut off point to make resolutions. 2013 will just have to the year of being a mature responsible adult. Cheers to 2012 and all its non-serious, childish, non-responsible times.

Christmas is over.

Christmas is over. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bummed. You spend months {unless you're a procrastinator like me; you spend the end of November through Christmas Eve} shopping and trying to find the perfect gifts for everyone. There is such an excitement throughout the beginning of December. Then Christmas morning happens. It takes Landon a whopping 45 minute period to open all his presents and then we're done. Just like that. All my effort of shopping and wrapping and bow tying are done. But, just like every year before, this year and his face and excitment was totally worth all the time spent on it.

I dislike the time between post-Christmas and the New Year. I feel like it's an awkward time of the year. The time where you want to fit in all these bad things before you make the dreaded New Year's Resolution List. Im going to go load up on chocolate and cookies and being absolutely and utterly lazy because my "workout and eat healthy" resolution doesn't begin for another 6 days. Going to enjoy it while I can.

firstpostin6months.

i spent all summer "fixing" my wrongs.

i didnt like where i lived and with whom.
so i moved.

i didnt like my friends.
so i dropped a few.

i didnt like having no time.
so i skipped summer/fall quarter of school.

i didnt like my job.
so i got a new one.

i didnt like my relationship with jesus.
so i prayed.

i didnt like my broken heart.
so i fixed it.
i found love.
but today.
it feels so broken again.
and i dont know where to start on fixing it.
its one of those my stomach is in 10 pieces and my knees feel weak feelings.

this one is gonna take a while.
and this girl is going to have to pick up and go on.

ps. ill quit neglecting my blog.