oldies.

(photo cred: Jeannie Bosenberg = my bff/roommate/photography idol)

This evening I stopped in at Bob Evans to enjoy coffee and a nice piece of pumpkin pie {one of my fall faves!} A sweet little old couple came and sat in the seats beside me. I'm pretty sure I've stated in a post in this blog that old people creep me out which still stands true- but not these ones. These ones were good ones. They were in love. She ordered his food for him and talked a little louder because he couldn't hear. She dropped her bright pink cane and he got up and got it for her. You sit and stare at them thinking in your head "how did they get that far?" Did he wash off his dinner plate every night after dinner? Did she pick up her clothes after she tried on 4 different outfits? Did he rub her hair every night? Did she compliment him on his shirt everyday? Or did neither of them do any of it and their love and dedication was so strong it didn't matter? Either way- at this time in my life I just don't feel like Bob Evans is a good spot for me and all their old customers.

I'm finding I need to quit analyzing everything and start letting things just work themselves out. Quit trying. Quit pushing. Quit scratching my head thinking about how I can fix things. Just accepting it all. I'm ready to just throw my hands up in the air and scream 'FINE' really loud at the universe.

A huge struggle I'm tackling this week [yes, that's right. Me tackling an internal issue. You'd think I was new woman] is self acceptance. I think I need to accept who I really am. I want to change many things- such as my .2 snapping point, my intense anxiety levels, my body image thoughts, my ocd, the fact I cuss like a sailor, my worryabouteverythingness, the fact I can never shut the hell up when it deams necessary, or that when I do need to speak about something important I just sit with my hands crossed on my lap. Or the fact I have less than a good relationship with either of my parents, or that my sister and my sweet nephews live 500 miles away, or that I don't trust anyone farther than I can spit. But I think all those less admirable qualities make me, well me. Who would I be if I closed my mouth and was calm all the time or had a perfect family with no struggle. Surely not this girl. And I need to find that this girl is fine just the way she is. I need to find that everything, including myself, is going to be ok.

Today I did learn some cool stuff.

- Men's galette razors + vasoline lotion make some pretty silky legs.

- If it was socially acceptable I would wear nothing but boyshirts + big tshirts everyday of my life no matter where I'm at.

- When I dye my hair somehow hair dye ends up everywhere. On the wall, on the floor, on the mirror, on scissors that were laying randomly on the sink, halfway down my back. I don't know but it never fails me.

- I always complain that something is wrong with my car due to the vast usage of gas in small milage amounts, but I think it may be due to my constant lead foot and the stress I may be putting my poor little engine under.

- ATT service sucks. Wherever you live. BFE Utah or New York City. Do not have ATT.

- Bounty Hunters will find you. Don't run.

- I'd be happier and more willing to recycle if money grew on trees.

- I need sleep. Maybe not 8 hours. But more than 5. And consistently would be fine.

- I am the reason the world is running out of clean water due to my drawn out shower time.

- 90's music kicks new music's behind.

- That butterflies in the belly are a good thing. Not something to be scared of.

All will be well. Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself. All will be well. You can ask me how but only time will tell.