I liked this picture. Let me tell you a secret. Laundry mats are the coolest places that exist. I may be a little biased… laundry mats remind me of a good time in my life [Landons first year while we lived in our small one bedroom apartment]. Just trust this, take an ipod and a good notebook for your thoughts, and sit in a laundry mat. Its relaxing. Its an unconventional place to sit. People may look at you in an odd way. Just smile… and continue on with your content-ness.
Here it is. I’m in a rut. [I apologize in advance. I’m a negative nancy writer. A high amount of my writing comes when I’m being a Debbie downer. I know you like all of these alliterations by the way. ] I find myself saying to myself how lovely it would be to stand on a box in my front yard and scream my thoughts at the world. Well, I like my neighbors and I want them to continue to like me [they barbecue really good and they always invite me over for extras… its necessary I stay on their good side]. I started this blog to avoid situations such as me standing on a box in my front yard so I’m going to use this blog to its full potential starting… now.
I need to do more picture taking and blogging. I clearly have not been keeping up on this. It just seems like these days there are so many more things I should be focusing on. I don’t do pictures for photography purposes, like a money machine. I take pictures because I like looking at the world in an artistic way. I like making a old fence look interesting. I like catching a smile just in case I don’t inscribe it properly in my brain and it gets forgotten. I like having a memory in the exact way I saw it that day. I like blogging because it’s my outlet of what I like that day. Maybe what got under my skin. Maybe just to share a new tune. It’s time I start re-evaluating priorities and making sure I’m keeping these loves at the top.
Do you ever feel like there is this huge world and you’re not leaving a mark? [I’m basically jumping out of my seat right now raising my hand]. I want to change someone. I want to say, I helped them. Clearly, being a mother, I’m raising a life and a future. I hope that I can make a positive impact on this world through my sweet Landon and always help him. But I want to do more. There is so much hurt in this world. There are so many souls that are alone. I want to be that hand for them. When I am down, I need a cup of coffee and an ear that hears what I’m saying [you don’t even have to care, that’s not a requirement. Just your ear will do, thank you]. I can think of handful of people I have came across in my life that have changed me, and have not the slightest idea. I want to be that for someone… and I don’t even expect any recognition for it.
I truly feel like the new(er) generations have over complicated love. All these books. All these counseling sessions. All of these, “we should talk” scenarios. What happened to loving someone because you want to. Because that person fills your heart with a passion for life and for waking up every single day and that brings you home every single night. I feel like people are staying in love because “that’s the what they should do.” I miss seeing love that takes over the world. I miss seeing the kind of love that makes two people hold hands so tight that their hands are red because there is no way in their eyes they can face the world without that other person, and their ready for any fight. What happened to saying, I’m sorry after a fight and letting it go after a joke. To not holding grudges. To not counting points. To teams. Thank you new generation for “I love you because we signed a piece of paper and our families would hate if we split and because we are on the same bowling team and then our friends would have to pick sides and then we would have to go through a divorce and I would probably lose the mini-van.” I see that too much. I don’t want to see that anymore. Let’s not let go of love.
I assume it’d be cliché if I said that I miss when things were simple as they were when I was a child. Truthfully, I don’t miss when things when I was child- for multiple reasons which I won’t discuss now because we would be here all night and I only have a third of a cup of tea left. But I will say that I love the hussle and bussle of adult life. I enjoy going to sleep at night knowing I worked 8 hours, cleaned, fed, educated and loved another person [I’m speaking of Landon there, not my husband, haha - there’s my crack at humor for ya], and go to bed feeling like I was productive. I however due miss a child mentality somedays. I miss that when someone hurts your feelings, you cry and then tomorrow on the playground it’s all good because their on the same kickball team and who wants hostility at recess [not I]. I miss falling in love and when you ‘break up’ and see the boy with the other girl you can just spit gum in her hair and feel better about it and are now able to move on to the next boy in your class. [Yes, I did that. Don’t judge me, everyone handles break ups different.. Especially when you’re 10] I miss having full confidence that friends would be my best friends for forever and ever. I miss those sorts of things. I guess the full optimism about life. Then you grow up. And spitting gum in the girl’s hair didn’t help [yes, that day came for me] and when you realize even your best of friends wont always be there and that when someone really hurts your feelings- it sometimes stays. Then we start to become jaded and untrusting. We realize that sometimes life is drag. Either way, I don’t care if your 5 or 50, nothing helps a no good day like a cup of hot chocolate.
That’s all the deep insight I have of life right now. You’re welcome for all that.
Oh but before you go, Drew’s (absolutely) amazing father has throat cancer. Yes there is a large medical diagnosis for that but I figure throat cancer would work. He has completed radiation and is at home now [praising Jesus for that]. Seeing someone you love get so sick so fast makes you realize how fast life changes and how little control we have over it. It shows you how silly all of the complaining we do throughout the day is. Every moment we should be thanking Jesus we have another day….. Another chance to have a good day, another chance to watch our children grow, another chance to say I love you. Those things can be taken away from us so quickly. I’m thankful we have more days with Steve, and will continue to have those days. The fight isn’t over completely yet, but everyday he comes a little closer to being better. Tonight, give him a little prayer. Thank you.
Have a good night world.
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